Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
