Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
