My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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