yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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