Dude my mom stole all your condoms
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i have herpe
just one?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
