Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How external is "for external use only"?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
