I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
