I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
