I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
