i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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