my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize