I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
