While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
