she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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