Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
