So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
