I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
