dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
