Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
