When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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