you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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