It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
