U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
