you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
