I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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