On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
