I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you had me at cake vodka
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
