I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
