I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
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He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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