I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
