Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
