im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
