I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
