therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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