I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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