ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
