I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Houston, we have a blender
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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