I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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