So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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