I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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