It's Friday. Sex?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
