I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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