let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
