i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
