i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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