Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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