Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
