My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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