how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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