a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
