Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
