Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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