Dual....:-)
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want her autograph on my taint
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
