just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
