I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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