so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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