Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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