I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
