Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
God I need to hump something, right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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