i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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