well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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