You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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