quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
