life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
