i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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