Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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