i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
