He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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